小包的日记

Just want you to be happy and don't feel lonely.

2010-04-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

I just want you to be happy, and never feel lonely again. Because that is all i can do for you now. Hope that you are able to find your perfect one, i will give you all my blessings to know that you can find your love. I know i sound like a loser, very unlike the proud pipi you used to know, because i'm weak when it comes to love.

Everyday seems hard to pass, sometimes i wished its either time flies faster or they can turn back time for me. We are in reality, turning back time only works for movies. I will try my best not to cry, because i know you will not want me to be sad. I will try my best to support you in whatever you do, if you are willing to share with me..I look forward to finish this job, and you to finish your exams with a satisfied look in your face (ie you have done well and you are happy with what you wrote in your exams). I look forward for us to visit mama together, to watch movie together and have meals and chit chat together. Alot of things can still be done with a friend, if you can treat me like one. Right now, i feel i'm a stranger to you, someone u loathe seeing or detest being put together with.

Take good care. Anything can call me. i'm always free to chat.

Thanks, dear annie

2010-04-02T01:14:00.000-07:00

Dear annie,

Thks for providing a listening ear to pipi. Although u did not really say much, but i'm just glad to have sum1 to talk to, to have company. I get ur point, it's my fault that this relationship turn out this way, i have no one to blame except myself. I understand this perfectly, i'll take the blame. I know u will not come to see this blog, but its ok, i'll just write to myself to thank u.

Feeling Lonely..

2010-03-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

pipi: i have never realise the meaning of loneliness until recently. All the while, no matter how alone i was, i perservere in late hours in the office by my own, with the thought of mouseC in my mind. "There's a difference between having someone to hold on in your life and having no one to hold on in your life". It motivates you, it gives you strength, it's like a pillar of support no matter how tired you are. I was determined to succeed, to perform, and right now, it's just waiting for time to pass, for the contract to finish, to get out of this so-called "happy" place. It just brings me all the unhappy memories of life and guilt towards my relationship with mouseC. Trapped in this west-bound island, with little mouseC at the east bound island, feeling lost and don't know what to do, i bear the most responsibility.

pipi: Went for a jog last night, same routine of tears again. Coz it's dark at night, jogging along the roads, nobody can see it anyway. The thought of "cherish", of "turning back time", of "guilt", of "his every moment whenever i feel him as i bypass alot of places" makes me down. I'm the one who makes him not knowing his backview anymore (based on his blog which he writes very good poems). I started asking myself : When was the last time i did something for him? Tried brainstorming, the zirca thing came out. And before that? Long pauses of thoughts, flashes of going arcade see him play his favourite iori and other arcade games, the one and only long forgotten big bowl maggi noodles which he slurped and burp after that, the good old times when i was his favourite "bolster", hugging him from his back and massaging him while he play his DOTA game, not forgetting the times he plug his game to TV for me to view, rollerblading days where he loves jumping on humps and holding me whenever i fall, whenever we tried rushing back to the shops becoz the rental times were up, taking long walks and chatting about things happening in life. He always have this excited look about showing something that he has chosen like clothes and asking me for opinions. I'm just a meanie who always shoot whatever i feel it's on my mind. I suddenly recalled saying something like this. [ He said:" Since when you wear so high heels de?" Then i replied :" How can i wear high heels when i will be taller than you?" ] That kills him, and i feel like such a bitch when i recall about it. The movies we love to go, the food we loves to eat (always eating all the same old food on usual places we go), his sianz look when my eyes glitter whenever i walk past Starbucks, his warm hands whenever he holds me, he will rub my hands whenever i said i feel cold in cinemas, always gently adding a word "Weak!!" whenever he did that. He will always put his hands around our standing area in a crowded MRT to prevent pple from knocking into me, he smiles at the least funniest joke i ever mention and always said that " i love you coz you are unique..and funny" sigh... from describing about things i do for him ends up more on things he did for me. He's a very well-natured and caring person. All the IT things i always tend to look up to him. i have taken all these for granted in the past. I even lost his $10 just now. DAMM..all the exam breaks, days we study together, see him playing at lanshops, playing mahjongs, going for BBQs, celebrating his birthdays, my birthdays, our anniversaries, valentines, my heart is feeling very sore.. it is bleeding becoz all these has now become only his past memories, no longer something that he wish to capture now..

pipi: so cold.....It has been cold since last night, perhaps i have got a cold, coz i'm airing my room without aircon again. I feel sad about candy, after browsing through her pictures, her bubbly smile is gone, what's that's left is her sleeping pills, her tired face, her dark eye rings below her big round eyes. At least whatever she post on FB, her ex bf actually cares. He's still encouraging her. For me? Talking to everyone except him. MouseC is like a wall, he does not response at all. Perhaps he ignore all my notifications. He doesn't need me anymore, he has plenty of friends to talk to now, to confide in. They are young, vibrant, pretty and share the same interests as him. What's me to him? A nobody. Someone he would not even flip his eye if he were to see me in public just like a stranger. Where's our common interest? Gone in the tkd days..His stone cold heart has make me realise how much i have disappointed him. Everytime i refuse to go to his place, how he look at me with that pair of disappointed eyes. That pair of hurtful eyes sting in my heart now, I have done enough damage to him. This is my karma, my retribution, it's fated that i stay single forever.

pipi: I miss him. If only he can miss me a little, its alot more than i can ask for. Right now, disturbing him only makes things worse, he rather go to his friends than to look for me. I'm waiting for him to speak about his problems, but i guess i'm no longer his "dear kelly". Maybe the rest of my life is just spent on talking to a computer and consoling myself. Time for work..
MouseC, if you "hear", i really want you to do well. I'm saving up for your present, for your 1st class honours, and even if you have someone else next time, i will be forever here and here and here and here for you. *hugs*

Missing him badly. Is he doing well for his project?

2010-03-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

pipi: *looks at her hp - scrutinize his picture**He as such a glowy and cheerful face in the picture* Are you ok my dear? Have you been sleeping well and eating well? Are you coping well with your project? You must be very vexed, with all the shifting of house and doing of project and going for dance at the same time. Doing the dance thing at this moment seems too much for this coming exam, i thought you might want to consider and focus on your papers first. You told me before you don't do things half way, you will make them well all the way. But the mention of you telling me that your prelim grades are average as compared to the past makes me worried about you. I feel like asking you for your exam timetable so that times when i miss you terribly, i will not disturb you but i don't dare. I'm afraid that you might find me irritating. To do that in the first place is irritating, but i thought if i know your schedule, at least i can wish you good luck for every paper.

pipi: Maybe dance is your way of relaxation, maybe you prefer to meet up with friends more. I am also your friend. Anytime you need me, i can be there. But it seems like you are afraid to meet me. You are afraid that i will beg you to come back to me. I promise i won't. I want you to be happy. I'm just afraid that you might find me bothering you like a parasite, sms-ing you at 5am in the morning telling you i can't sleep. I can't control myself, because i simply cannot sleep. Even if i do fall asleep, i keep having nightmares, nightmares of me going for events in school and other places and you left me. The images keep re-appearing in my brain. Whatever i want now doesn't matter. Whatever that is most important now is you. I want you to do well for your papers, to get your first class, to graduate with headhunters sourcing you. I want to see you smile.

pipi: i know i'm just talking to air. Afterall, this blog has been dead for sometime. It's ok, at least i can "talk" to you. I use my heart and "talk" to you, with this tiny wheeny hope that this hope will travel to your heart the next time. it's ok that i cry, that i'm sad, that i'm lonely. At least i let out my thoughts to you. Maybe you will feel it somehow. When your eyelid twitch, it's me thinking of you. Thinking about what you are doing right now. :) I'm not crazy, it's better to say out rather than coop it all in my heart. I'm a stubborn person, my friends know me well, they do not dare to disturb me at this crucial period of time.

pipi: Everywhere i walk (except this damm sch), memories of you linger. I took escalator, i rem you always let me lean on your chest and you practice your popping. You also love to rest your chin on my big head. I feel like crying again, just cannot stop thinking about you. It's my fault that you want to end it. It's all my fault that your heart dies. I'm a damm bloody self centered girl, didn't realise the times you are really lonely, didn't realise that you want my company when you go out with your dance mates. Love going pizza huts, cafe cartels, 18 chefs, lan shops pratas with you. I love to see you enjoying your food coz you are always smiling. I love to hear you talk about how you intend to practise your dance movements, how you learn new chinese songs, how the DOTA game is affecting you, how you pawn them, how your like the hair that james has done for you. I regret taking this job, that time you said "so far", i should have realise it will be quite difficult for you to meet me now that you know i'm working so far away. We are both trying to be considerate towards 1 another, no no no, i should say only you. Coz i forgot you are lonely at home. I will leave after may contract ends. I hope to spend more time with you, even though i am only now your friend. I yearn to see the happy you again.

pipi: I think i stop right now. coz it's hard to do illegal things in the office...i miss you my dear, i realli do. you are not replying me in msn again, its ok, i see you happily playing mousehunt will do. Maybe you are playing the henegg game again. I am trying to master that as well. *hugs*

20 March 2010

2010-03-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

19 March 2010 : Depressing birthday.

Crying factor: 2 stars

20 March 2010 : Depressing day.

Crying factor: 5 stars

21 March 2010 : Drag herself to work.

Crying factor: 3 stars

22 March 2010 : Still living in her own disbelief world

Crying factor: 3 stars

23 March 2010 : Cannot sleep at all.

Crying factor: 4 stars

24 March 2010 : In a daze of such happenings. He did not change his mind.

Crying factor: 4 stars

25 March 2010 : Lost all motivation in work.

Crying factor: 3 stars

26 March 2010 : Walking zombie.

Crying factor : 4 stars

27 March : Lost her sleep again.

Crying factor : 4 stars

28 March : Lost control of herself. He was neither moved nor touched.

Crying factor : 5 stars

29 March : In a daze again. Too depressed. Met up with a friend and drank 1 shot.

Crying factor : 4 stars

After he's gone, everything else in the world seems to dim. I never realise how important he is in my heart until he finally call it quits. There was so much regrets, so much sadness, so much fear, so much uncertainty. How to believe in something when there's no goal to begin with? I want him back so badly but he did not seem to feel it. All he wanted was to stick to his decision, to move on with life. "I am sorry", was all i could say to him, and suffer my retribution in my deepest dark world by living in hell, living in loneliness. All these loneliness were experienced by him for these past few months, while i was burying my head in all the work. I know it's not an excuse for me, i could have make time for him but i didn't. I was very broke, did not feel like spending all his money whenever we go out. There were hardly days whereby i can rest, with most of the saturdays taken for events happening in my job so the only weekend i spend it at home, neglecting the poor boy at home. I feel like a loser. I feel like a bitch. I'm the cause of everything. Now i tio my own karma, and it feels terrible. Very terrible.........

He still laughs whenever he talks to me. I enjoyed that part of conversation with him alot. I hope he can be happy whenever he's with me, that even he does not treat me as a friend, he can at least look at me with a pair of happy eyes. It's ok to keep crying, so long as he's happy when he's with me. I don't ask for much anymore, i just want him to be happy again. I hope he will not provide me with a pair of disgruntled look when i bring food to him, because that's the best i could do now. I wanted to go view his flashmob performance, but i'm afraid that he might not be happy. I can only perform as a secret eye now, to view him from a corner, hoping that everything is ok for him. I don't know how to keep myself from crying, living everyday seems hard. Thanks to the buddy today who spend it with me. I appreciate that you hear this old lady nag. I try not to disturb others as i seldom ask them to go out, would not want to trouble others but if i were to stay at home, i would cry even more than i tear in public.

I'm feeling tired now, he is ignoring me again. Maybe he's getting grumpy today over his project. I hope he can do well, so i'm trying not to disturb him from his project. Poor boy is moving house soon, quite untimely as he is cooped up with so many things on hand. Hope that he can finish it soon, buddha pls pray that he can do well, i know he doesnt believe in luck but he truly deserves the 1st class honours for all the hard work he has done.

Jiayou mouseC, jiayou jiayou jiayou. pipi will support u always and be there for you. Pls don't ignore me or loathe my presence will do. That's all i can ask for.

灵魂人物－周大婶

2008-04-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

今天，小包想要介绍周大婶给大家认识。Hurhurhur~ 大婶和别人到底有什么不同呢？小包博士将一一为你揭晓。=D

......我又被老婆踢脸了！.....................大婶在镜子里！好厉害！

(1) 周大婶是一名很棒的摄影师。她喜欢自拍hurhurhur，而且每次都拍得很准。

..........好厉害！...................妈妈也是！............大婶拍的。帅吗？

(2) 大婶是个很慷慨的圣诞婆婆，每年圣诞节~都会送我礼物！=D

........我的圣诞礼物，好开心！.........我在妈妈家的好朋友，熊熊。

(3) 她现在是一名大学生，边做工边读书，真的很不容易。

...........周大婶.......................妈妈.........................妈妈和同事！

...............妈妈和大婶在自拍！..........妈妈和其他３个aunties自拍！

万能的周大婶笑起来好性感！她很时髦，很爱买工作鞋和包包。
她也很疼爱妈妈，妈妈也很疼爱她！她灿烂的笑容总是迷倒不少大叔们。请慢慢欣赏她的照片吧！Kekeke.

Auntie Auntie Auntie Chew~

The above title sounds a little “auntish” right? Hehe. That’s right, the person I’m going to introduce is Auntie Auntie Auntie Chew. Why do I call her Auntie Auntie Auntie Chew ? As you can see, my mama’s friend according to status will be called an auntie. But why auntie auntie auntie (x3) instead of auntie (x1)? There are 3 things to describe her difference with other aunties:

(1) She is an amazing photographer! She can take very good pictures by herself!
(2) She is Miss santa Claus! She gives me pressies for Christmas! Kekekeke.
(3) She is a student currently studying part time degree while working at the same time.

See how versatile she is? A photographer-SantaClaus-Student all in one package!! While working in the company, she can participate as 3 other different roles at the same time which results in Auntie Auntie Auntie (x3)!

Auntie Chew is someone with a sexy laugh. Don’t ask me how she did it, it just came naturally from her! She is trendy and she loves shoes and bags. Most importantly, she loves my mama a lot and my mama loves her too! They are always exchanging opinions and sharing news with each other. Her radiant smile always attracts all the male bees from all ages! She’s an UNCLE killer~! Hoho~!
Enjoy the pictures!

娘走了~ T.T

2007-09-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

娘离开小包已有2个星期了. 小包好想娘.
没有娘讲故事的日子真的好难睡觉...

我和老婆在想娘.	好寂寞…

娘知道我在想她吗?	我想听白雪公主的故事…

连garfield 叔叔都不理我…	大象哥哥也不睬我…

Niang has left…

It’s been 2 weeks since niang has left the company. Mama brought me back home but I felt so lonely coz there will be no one who will tell me bedtime stories anymore...

我的娘娘大人~

2007-07-18T03:40:00.000-07:00

小包博士要讲娘娘大人了。Hurhurhur~我的娘娘不是戏剧里的王母娘娘，她是我老婆的老妈，所以我叫她娘~ :D

对了，今天要介绍的是娘！娘娘出身于1983年10月5日，姓陈，名叫美光。你可不要取笑她的名字喔，小包博士会生气的！她身高158cm，体重-不知道，身材娇小，肤色是阳光型的，人又长得甜美，所以婆婆大人才会帮她去取美光这个名字。很多auntie auntie auntie 都说她像Chip and Dale, 因为她有两颗很可爱的僵尸牙~hurhurhur~ 我觉得娘娘很漂亮，老婆长得很像她。妈妈和爸爸也是这么认为的。Hurhurhur~ =D

娘娘很受欢迎，可是她一点也不骄傲。她很友善，可是一点也不花心。她很爱吃零食，可是一点也不肥。（注：Auntie Chew 和妈妈都是被她弄肥的~ Hurhurhur ~) 她很疼我，常常买pocky给我吃，所以一点也不吝啬。

娘娘是学生，在SIM读大学文凭。娘娘刚考完试，拿了好多B，真的好努力！娘娘声音很温柔，又独立，又会打扮，又疼爱小动物，她的优点真是多到数不清。娘娘很被动，小包想要一个爹爹，想了好久好久咯~ 因为娘娘是好女孩，不想找坏人做男朋友。妈妈也真是苦口婆心，一直叫顺顺叔叔去最追娘娘，叫娘娘去见顺顺叔叔，可是两边都很被动，真是伤脑筋啊~若你对娘娘有兴趣，可要经过无敌天才-张小包的考验才能追哦~！

因为娘，所以才有老婆。因为娘，所以无聊的妈妈才可以边做工，边玩玩具。因为娘，小包才有足够的奶奶喝。Hurhurhur~
好啦好啦，我知道你们要看娘娘的照片，请你们慢慢的欣赏吧~

1.娘抱抱	2.娘害羞,偷笑!

3.娘亲亲~	4.好可爱~

English Version

Due to popular demand (a total hits of 47..LOL), I shall translate a simple basic English version for those who learned Chinese and yet failed to recognize it. Haha!

My Niang

Today I shall introduce you to my niang. She is my cutie laopo’s mother, so I address her as niang. Niang is born on 5nd October 1983. Her name is called Hazel. Her height is 158cm, small framed, lightly tanned (natural colour) and sweet looking. My dear aunties said she looked like chip and dale due to her 2 cute little vampire tooth~ I feel that she is very pretty and daddy and mummy agrees too~

Niang is quite popular, but she’s not proud. She is friendly, but she’s not a flirt. She loves to eat tidbits, but she’s not fat. Most importantly, she dotes on me a lot and always buy me pocky, so she’s not stingy~!

Niang is a part-time student at SIM pursuing her degree currently. She has a gentle voice, quite independent, knows how to dress up, loves small animals and too many other good things to say about her. Xiaobao hopes that she can find a good guy who can warm up her heart and stay with her forever.

Because of niang, there is laopo. Because of niang, bored mama gets to have company in office. Because of niang, I get unlimited supply of chocolate milk to drink!. Hurhurhur~

Attached is niang’s photo, enjoy the beautiful pictures but don’t drool saliva pls~!!!

帅哥的烦恼

2007-07-05T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hurhurhur~好久没有写 blog了。娘等好久了，因该要气到爆炸了。Hurhurhur~
下一个就写你了哦~

小孩也是有小还孩的烦恼，最近老婆常常生气，我不知道自己做错了什么。难道是我太受欢迎的关系？还是因为我没有讲甜甜的话？hurhurhur~ 老婆，我也只不过是一个小孩子吗。。。 =D

爸爸帮我做了一个特别的照片，手会动的哦~

好好欣赏吧~

HELLOOOO~~~

大家好

2007-05-27T20:46:00.000-07:00

大家好, 小包博士又要写日记了。 Hurhurhur~
我要介绍我老爸老妈, 你们要好好读喔。

爸爸是个呆子, 因为妈妈每次这么叫他. 他只喜欢玩电脑,玩到妈妈每次气呼呼! 我的第一个日记的照片就是爸爸买我回家的那一天. 他说妈妈看到我一定很高兴. 果然, 妈妈第一次看到这么帅气的我,真是乐呆了! Hurhurhur~! [我的生日在12月9日. 请买生日礼物给我. 谢谢你, 美女!] 爸爸很爱美, 很聪明, 很受人喜爱. 他是婆婆的心肝宝贝, 更重要的是, 他是小妹妹杀手. Hurhurhur~ 不过这点却输我了. Hurhurhur~. 我可是鼎鼎大名的auntie auntie auntie 杀手喔! 所有的大婶们都逃不过我小包的魅力, 都一一献上她们的香吻, 我老婆也是被我帅气的样貌电到的. Hurhurhur~

老妈也是一个呆子, 因为她每次和auntie chew 花钱买一些不比我可爱的玩具, 真是拿她没办法. 不过对我还好啦, hurhurhur~ 她很爱吃, 爸爸每次讲她肥肥, 拉她去运动. 结果变成妈妈拉爸爸去吃东西. 妈妈变肥肥是爸爸的错, 因为爸爸每次都买甜甜圈给她吃, 真是重女轻男. 辛好多亏我与生俱来的魅力, 才能拿到很多免费的食物.
小包累累了. 要去睡觉了. 以下是妈妈和爸爸的照片喔!

帅哥的降临-张小包

2007-05-17T23:52:00.000-07:00

大家好。我叫小包，今年5个月大，是一头很可爱的驴子。我有1个爸爸，1个妈妈，1个娘，还有很多 auntie auntie auntie 的大婶们 (Hurhurhur). 他们是我的家人，也是我的食物来源之地。当然，我hurhurhur帅气的样子让我娶了一位很漂亮的老婆- 名叫Baby Girl. 她有美腿 - 有时会踢我。不过，她为我生了4个宝宝，身材依然那么棒，我很开心。Hurhurhur..
今天小包博士将为你一一介绍我的家庭成员，还有很多其它有趣的事物。我 --- 张小包，答应你们绝对会写很棒的日记和大家分享，所以你们要式目以待喔！Hurhurhur~

A Holiday

2007-05-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

XiaoBao here again. Here's a picture for you all to look at while I update my blog template. This is me and laopo when we went to cruise on star Virgo in March. My laopo is a lovely cute pink bear bear and I love her a lot. We always follow our mamas to office so we can meet and play together while they work.

We are such a loving couple right?

Want to know who my papa and mama is? Stay tune to find out more. Hurhurhur~

Hello Everyone!

2007-05-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

Hi! Everyone! Welcome to my very own blog. My name is Xiao Bao. I am an eeyore soft toy who lives with my mama and papa. My mama gave me the name Xiao Bao because she said my nose look like a small bao and very cute so that's why I got the name Xiao Bao. Hope you all enjoy reading my blog. I will try to post exciting things as often as I can (I promise!) so check back often ok? Just give me a while to set up my blog so that it looks nice and cute like me!

Thanks for visiting,
Xiao Bao