20 March 2010

19 March 2010 : Depressing birthday.

Crying factor: 2 stars

20 March 2010 : Depressing day.

Crying factor: 5 stars

21 March 2010 : Drag herself to work.

Crying factor: 3 stars

22 March 2010 : Still living in her own disbelief world

Crying factor: 3 stars

23 March 2010 : Cannot sleep at all.

Crying factor: 4 stars

24 March 2010 : In a daze of such happenings. He did not change his mind.

Crying factor: 4 stars

25 March 2010 : Lost all motivation in work.

Crying factor: 3 stars

26 March 2010 : Walking zombie.

Crying factor : 4 stars

27 March : Lost her sleep again.

Crying factor : 4 stars

28 March : Lost control of herself. He was neither moved nor touched.

Crying factor : 5 stars

29 March : In a daze again. Too depressed. Met up with a friend and drank 1 shot.

Crying factor : 4 stars

After he's gone, everything else in the world seems to dim. I never realise how important he is in my heart until he finally call it quits. There was so much regrets, so much sadness, so much fear, so much uncertainty. How to believe in something when there's no goal to begin with? I want him back so badly but he did not seem to feel it. All he wanted was to stick to his decision, to move on with life. "I am sorry", was all i could say to him, and suffer my retribution in my deepest dark world by living in hell, living in loneliness. All these loneliness were experienced by him for these past few months, while i was burying my head in all the work. I know it's not an excuse for me, i could have make time for him but i didn't. I was very broke, did not feel like spending all his money whenever we go out. There were hardly days whereby i can rest, with most of the saturdays taken for events happening in my job so the only weekend i spend it at home, neglecting the poor boy at home. I feel like a loser. I feel like a bitch. I'm the cause of everything. Now i tio my own karma, and it feels terrible. Very terrible.........

He still laughs whenever he talks to me. I enjoyed that part of conversation with him alot. I hope he can be happy whenever he's with me, that even he does not treat me as a friend, he can at least look at me with a pair of happy eyes. It's ok to keep crying, so long as he's happy when he's with me. I don't ask for much anymore, i just want him to be happy again. I hope he will not provide me with a pair of disgruntled look when i bring food to him, because that's the best i could do now. I wanted to go view his flashmob performance, but i'm afraid that he might not be happy. I can only perform as a secret eye now, to view him from a corner, hoping that everything is ok for him. I don't know how to keep myself from crying, living everyday seems hard. Thanks to the buddy today who spend it with me. I appreciate that you hear this old lady nag. I try not to disturb others as i seldom ask them to go out, would not want to trouble others but if i were to stay at home, i would cry even more than i tear in public.

I'm feeling tired now, he is ignoring me again. Maybe he's getting grumpy today over his project. I hope he can do well, so i'm trying not to disturb him from his project. Poor boy is moving house soon, quite untimely as he is cooped up with so many things on hand. Hope that he can finish it soon, buddha pls pray that he can do well, i know he doesnt believe in luck but he truly deserves the 1st class honours for all the hard work he has done.

Jiayou mouseC, jiayou jiayou jiayou. pipi will support u always and be there for you. Pls don't ignore me or loathe my presence will do. That's all i can ask for.